Star Squid Nothing
by ThePizzaLovingTurtle
Summary: Squids shoot other sea life. Foxes, birds, hares, and toads shoot other animals (in space). Let's put 'em together, shall we? Silly little story I made with the suggestion of a certain somebody. It's a squid's sea; you're just swimming in it.


**Suggested by write n wrong**

 **Splatoon and Star Fox: Star Squid Nothing**

Sharq adjusted his white coat and red scarf, the scarlet fabric dropping down to his chest and green shirt underneath his coat. His blue tentacles reflected the ship's artificial light quite swimmingly. Through a wide window out on the head of the Great Kraken, he stared out into space with a grin.

Quite literally.

"No matter how many times I look out this window…" The Inkling spoke up.

"You never get tired of it, huh?"

Sharq McReef. Pilot extraordinaire. The leader of the Star Squid mercenary team. These were a handful of the nicknames (and regular names) he was called by those who knew him across the Lysplat system. He had taken down baddies cruising in space shuttles and save the system, each and every single one of the sectors. It was truly his element. But he could not have accomplished all of his feats alone.

"Hey Splin." Sharq greeted one of his fellow pilots.

Wearing a similar pilot get-up and the same blue tentacles stood another Inkling in front of him. Splin Larin, the ace pilot of Star Squids.

"You uh… See Drip around?" Splin scratched the back of his head, "Heard he was working on some sort of new tech that could help us out on the field."

"Nope, sorry." Sharq spoke up, turning around, looking back out to the vast expanse of space.

Sharq sighed contently, continuing his stare out into the vacuum of space, stars blinking in the far distance. Splin joined him, walking to his side, the two staring out into space. They witnessed galaxies swirling off in the distance, light from the stars in the expanse laid out in front of them flickering like delicate candle lights.

"You ready for the patrol around Cephlas? Heard Androct is ordering his troops throughout the Lysplat system." Splin muttered, still looking out the window.

"Androct…" Sharq muttered along with him.

Androct. A maniacal scientist who had threatened the Lysplat system in the past. Sharq's father, along with two others, had attempted to stop him, and while they had succeeded in doing so, Sharq's father had only managed in delaying his attack, falling in battle. Since then, Sharq had taken up the mantle, serving as his father's substitute, and as the new leader of Star Squid, a mercenary force in the stars comprised of humanoid aquatic creatures.

"Sure. Whenever is fine." Sharq told his co-pilot.

Splin grinned, nodding. "Alright, we just need to find the others. Who knows? Maybe Drip will be done with his invention."

The sound of something being fired was less than reassuring. A siren rang out throughout the ship, prompting the Inkling pilots to look about.

"What the- Are we under attack?" Splin muttered.

"Possibly! Where could they be attacking us from?" Sharq wondered aloud, staring to and fro.

The two of them blinked, turning towards the outside. A ship, coated in silver and blue, flew by. Its flight patterns were off, hovering like a dizzy bee in space. In its malfunctioning flight, it spiraled towards their huge ship, the two instinctively hitting the deck. The vessel approaching at high speeds suddenly launched up into the air above them. They got back up to their feet, peering out of the window, flabbergasted. They watched the vehicle swerve through space rapidly and unpredictably.

With a frown, Splin walked over towards the windows. A desk with buttons, knobs, and switches covering it jutted out from the wall. A speaker embedded in them buzzed and crackled. Splin pushed one of them.

"Uh… Hello?" He asked aloud.

"Whoa! Help me!" A voice responded back crackly and frantically.

Splin took his finger off of the button. "Drip's invention is probably malfunctioning again."

Sharq nodded in agreement. "Let's check it out."

The pair of Inkling nodded, running off from the bridge of the ship that stared out to space, traversing through a long steel hallway. Doors lined the sides, but they ignored them, persevering ahead. Their sprint slowed down to a brisk jog as they approached the end of the hall, finding four circle-like entrances at the end. Without hesitation, the two hopped forward. Within an instant, they had switched into blue squids almost instantaneously, dropping down through the entrance, falling through a chute. The two were tossed out the other side of the chute rather quickly, dropping into a separate room, a large hangar area of sorts housing a few spaceships.

The two switched back to their Inkling forms, looking downwards. A set of controls; buttons, a yoke jutting out, ready for pilot use to control altitude. The two were sitting in silver and blue aircraft of their own, a set of light green glass sticking up in the air lowering down onto the cockpit of the crafts.

"Alright," Splin spoke up as the glass was placed over the cockpit, the glass cutting him off.

A screen in Sharq's ship lit up, displaying Splin's face as he stared down at his own monitor across from him.

"Ready to rock and roll? Even though it's just Drip." Splin asked with a grin, toggling a switch.

"You know it." Sharq spoke up.

They flicked a switch in their vehicles simultaneously. Behind them, the sounds of an engine roaring to life grew. In a flash of light, the two launched ahead in their ships, an open bay awaiting them, Sharq and Splin diving out from the ship bay into the space and the stars outside of the metallic hub.

* * *

The two flew through space, making sure to orbit the Great Kraken ship closely, looking to each corner of space imaginable.

"At least Drip managed to keep our Arfins in working condition. Can you imagine crashing this thing before it leaves the hangar?" Splin commented, veering to the right.

"Like crashing it on the edge of the Great Kraken?" Sharq suggested.

"Except you don't make it out the hangar." Splin pointed out.

Sharq nodded in agreement. If not only painful, it would be embarrassing. As the two ascended over above the Great Kraken-

"Dodge!" Splin gasped.

The two swerved to the side as another ship flew past, clearly malfunctioning. Its wings were shredded, barely providing enough lift to keep the Arfin flying, though the lack of gravity in space managed to help keep it floating. A fuzzy static sound echoed throughout the cockpits of the onlookers flying by. Sharq stared down at his controls in his ship, pressing a button.

"Drip? Can you hear me?" Sharq asked.

"AAAAAUGGGGH! Help! I'm out of control!" A high-pitched voice came from the other end.

Sharq lifted his finger from the button, grasping the yoke of his Arfin. "Still having doubts about Drip's whereabouts?"

Splin chuckled across from him. "Nah, but I'm definitely having doubts about his flying."

The two Inkling pilots turned around and began their chase, attempting to catch up with the crew member spinning out of control. Hovering just underneath the out of control ship, Splin made sure to align his Arfin, almost as if he were attempting to keep it flying with his own ship, making sure to lightly tap the bottom as to prevent it from sinking into the expanse of space.

"Wanna give me a hand, Sharq?" Splin asked, struggling on the other end of the screen.

Sharq nodded from within his cockpit, and attempted to move forward, only to perform a somersault, his ship performing a loop as it ascended.

"What the?! Have you been keeping your reticle calibrated, Sharq?!" Splin asked as the squid dizzily spun in the sky.

"It's difficult! I can't keep adjusting it in the middle of gameplay!" Sharq frowned, switching into a squid as he flipped, only serving to disorientate himself further.

"Hang on, hand me the controller." Splin sighed, shaking his head.

Next to a television screen, a pair of Inkling brothers, blue tentacles, quickly swapped controllers.

The ship Sharq was riding in appeared to right itself in an instant, flying at a comfortable pace and angle towards Splin and the falling Drip. They both made sure to stay underneath, carrying the malfunctioning, smoking ship back to base, with grins to match their success.

Now within the hangar of the Great Kraken, there laid three Arfin space vessels, one of which was currently smoking so hard it could catch lung cancer. The two Inklings worked hard on retrieving their companion from the doomed machine, pulling up on the glass that held their fellow pilot inside. Eventually, Sharq got increasingly frustrated with little to no results, and kicked the glass. It shattered into a collection of pieces instantaneously. Retracting his foot, Sharq rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.

"Uh… You okay Drip?" Sharq asked.

Emerging from the wreckage, a long pair of cyan tentacles popped out, attaching to the ceiling, carrying something with it. That something plopped down on the floor with a sigh. A blue jellyfish wearing a cap and the same jacket the other two in the hangar wore was revealed, waving its tentacles around its face as if to clear the air around him.

"Thanks guys! I thought they had me." Drip announced.

"'They'? So, you weren't screwing around with a new modification or something?" Splin asked.

"Well, yes." Drip told them.

Splin shook his head. "Einstein."

"Hey! How was I supposed to know that Star Octs-"

"Star Octs?" Sharq asked curiously.

Drip, despite lacking a mouth, appeared to frown. "...Yeah. Star Octs."

Star Octs. The name left a less than pleasant taste in the crew's mouth. A mercenary group rivaling Star Squids in nearly every aspect, except for their main bragging right, the Great Kraken of course. Plus they had a similar name, and that was less than pleasant in general, though both were bordering on rocky copyright territory anyways.

Splin crossed his arms. "...So, basically, you were shot out of the air."

"Yeah!" Drip spoke up.

"Couldn't you have just phoned us?" Sharq asked.

Drip scowled. "I tried! But…"

Splin and Sharq hummed, the distressed look on Drip's face and the panicky wave of his tentacles were proof enough that something went awry. Drip blinked, grinning suspiciously at the two, which by itself was hardly a tell considering the traditional jellyfish lack of mouths.

"...Drip? What happened?" Splin asked.

"..." Drip said nothing, his eyes darting from side to side.

The Inklings glanced at each other, then back to Drip.

"He's hiding something." Splin's eyes narrowed.

Their gazes pierced the jellyfish, holding him to the spot for a few minutes. After what felt like a lifetime of torture, Drip gave in-

"I accidentally triggered a distress signal which gave away our position to Star Octs and a bunch of other Androct mercenaries…" Drip trailed off.

"Aw!" Splin threw his hands up in the air, "Drip, come on!"

"I'm sorry! I was testing the Arfin modifications, I accidentally pressed the speaker button, then out of nowhere, I'm shot down!" Drip protested.

"That must mean that they're heading to Cephlas. If they take the planet, they'll gain an advantage in the war." Sharq frowned, "Alright, all hands, we're heading to Cephlas!"

"I'll stay here and watch over the Kraken and fix my own ship up, you guys go." Drip told the other two.

"Roger." Sharq announced.

The two Inklings retreated into their own ships, hopping in as the glass windshields were placed on the Arfin vessels. Their engines bursted into life with a hue of blue, the two blasting off into the shimmering splendor of space as Drip waved farewell.

* * *

The chilled wind of Cephlas' atmosphere was their greeting, with Sharq and Splin diving into the planet's stratosphere, lowering altitude to ground levels in an attempt to find the aforementioned Star Octs. Hills of snow and a frigid wind clouded their vision, with the chill barely touching them inside of their Arfins, they felt comfortable, but only physically. Mentally, they sternly prepared themselves for whatever danger could elude their peripheral vision.

"...It's quiet." Splin commented, swerving through the snow.

"...Too quiet?" Sharq suggested with a grin.

Splin rolled his eyes, keeping check on his distance between him and Sharq. He zoomed ahead just to be safe. Sharq chuckled behind him. As they continually searched the landscape, eventually, the two began to tire out. Whether the snow concealed the enemy or not, it was clear that no movement was taken by the offenders.

"I don't see anyone." Sharq commented plainly, staring out the windshield carefully.

Splin nodded with a sigh. "Maybe Drip was making an excuse."

"...Hmm." Sharq frowned.

"Wanna chew him out?" Splin asked.

Sharq glanced outside the window again. With a shrug, he and Splin began lifting up out of the atmosphere, when the crackling of the speakers within their space vessels blared to life in a less than pleasant way.

"T-They're RIGHT BEHIND YOU!" Drip's voice reverberated throughout both of their ships.

In the time it took both the Inklings to blink, turning around just barely, two distinct red lines, lasers, ripped past the wings of their Arfin ships, scratching the vessels. Spinning around, the squid pilots made out the shapes of spacecrafts zooming towards them. The Inklings swerved around a frosty mountain's peak, coming face to face with the enemy.

Ships similar in stature to the small, two-winged Arfins hovered in front of the two, except with a color palette opposite to them, red instead of blue, black instead of white. Sharq scowled through the green glass of his Arfin. Through the black glass of the enemy ships, they spotted two Octolings, tentacles violet and red respectively, one wearing a set of metallic goggles and armor with kelp, the other revealing her eyes.

"Can't let you do that, Star Squids." A rather arrogant voice echoed from the other end from the Octoling with the ever present irises.

"...Do what? Leave? Tai, we were to destroy them regardless." Another voice chimed in with a strict tone.

One of the enemy ships turned to face the other while hovering, the face piloting said vessel scowling.

"Okay, screw you Aussie, I'm trying to make one of those 'references' they always get to do, and you're really killing my vibe right now." "Tai" spoke up from her vehicle.

"Excuse me for wanting to play the objective! If we're going to play these useless video games, we're going to play them right." "Aussie" reprimanded her comrade.

The two continued bickering, the ships moving up and down erratically as they argued. Splin glanced over at Sharq through his ship, Sharq simply shrugging in response. In the hull of Sharq's Arfin, a cannon of sorts emerged, glowing green. A light hum could be heard before a red, object with a capital "B" drawn on it was shot out, approaching dangerous speeds as it swirled through the planet's winter winds.

As the two Octolings continually bickered behind the screens of their spacecraft, the glint of red caught the pair's eyes. Looking up from their screens they used to directly argue with each other, they noticed the crimson object hurdling towards them. Just before the object hit them, Aussie frowned, glaring over at Tai. She quickly fumbled with her controls.

"Quick! Do a barrel roll!" Tai shouted.

Aussie shrugged, then began ascending into a strange motion different than the other spinning motion Tai was attempting. Her technically correct use of the barrel roll did not do anything to reflect the projectile, which exploded and destroyed the two of them in an instant. The pair of Inklings just stared at the smoke coming off of the ground.

"...Good work Sharq." Splin commented.

The both of them simply turned the noses of their Arfins to the sky, vaguely noticing the angry yells of Octolings in the background elsewhere, they flew up into the sky. Only to run into yet another obstacle, though not in the form of a physical one.

"...Something's wrong." Splin frowned, throttling the yoke of his ship rapidly.

"What's up with the controls?" Sharq tilted his head.

A battery symbol appeared on the digital screens embedded in the Arfins. They were drained of energy. And that fact, combined with the clear sensation: they felt themselves fall from the sky only made the lurching feeling in their guts worsen as they plummeted.

* * *

Facing a television screen, a pair of Inkling brothers could only watch as the virtual ships they piloted crashed into the surface of the winter planet, their controllers lying idle in the palms of their hands. Splin, sitting next to his fellow Inkling, Sharq, eyes were twitching.

"You didn't replace the batteries." Splin frowned.

Sharq rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Uh, don't worry! I'm sure we still have a couple of lives left-"

The virtual planet in front of them faded to black with the tragic wail of their jellyfish companion. "Game Over" floated into view with the backdrop of space, accompanied by a rather gloomy musical score. Splin set his controller on the ground and sighed, covering his eyes with his hands in disappointment. Sharq blinked.

"Gee. How swell." Splin commented, walking off.

That just left Sharq by himself in front of a television screen. He stared at the screen for a while, then chuckled, reaching at the side of the television, clicking the power button once.

* * *

AN: Well, this was silly. Happy anniversary Splatoon I suppose. Eh.

Thanks for reading, this is ThePizzaLovingTurtle. If there ever is an enemy on your tail, use the brake. See you.


End file.
